she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had sex on a roof
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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