I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
