Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
