I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
