The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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