I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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