You're my little dorito
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
