Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
