she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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