There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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