About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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