He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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