idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet