Texts From Last Night

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low

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  (308): It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low http://tfl.nu/rfi4
  Replies (25) Good night (1942) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?

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  (615): Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN? http://tfl.nu/nemo
  Replies (9) Good night (2970) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it

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  (614): if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it http://tfl.nu/vfj9
  Replies (5) Good night (3083) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

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  (904): I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/ub1d
  Replies (16) Good night (3341) Bad night (1196)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad

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  (317): The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad http://tfl.nu/cny5
  Replies (20) Good night (3487) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

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  (337): I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven. http://tfl.nu/stao
  Replies (4) Good night (3782) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?

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  (310): I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow? http://tfl.nu/cjjr
  Replies (6) Good night (3258) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.

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  (701): Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore. http://tfl.nu/9hf8
  Replies (5) Good night (1736) Bad night (485)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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  (413): He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there." http://tfl.nu/pomo
  Replies (7) Good night (410) Bad night (3109) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.

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  (724): Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/sfkv
  Replies (7) Good night (830) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me

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  (860): Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me http://tfl.nu/m9pd
  Replies (8) Good night (762) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.

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  (248): Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/s4gv
  Replies (7) Good night (1157) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???

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  (708): i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal??? http://tfl.nu/az75
  Replies (6) Good night (1086) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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  (419): Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus http://tfl.nu/mjlu
  Replies (11) Good night (1407) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.

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  (513): I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen. http://tfl.nu/m4h2
  Replies (9) Good night (1398) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt

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