i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions