I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.