I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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