Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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