just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
