But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just threw up on my dentist
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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