Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
