Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
