One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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