She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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