he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
