you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize