Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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