Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
