There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
