I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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