Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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