Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
