They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
