Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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