good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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