i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I could fuck to npr.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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