Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
