in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
