The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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