Buhtt sex?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
