it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
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Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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