Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
