I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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