I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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