My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
