Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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