nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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