She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
