OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
