for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
