Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
