That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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