I didn't shave. On purpose
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i out mim tonsoeep
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
