don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
