dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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