im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
