DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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