Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
