Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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