I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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