OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
