She's JV to your varsity
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
