I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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