I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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