remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
