So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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