3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I understand Curling. That high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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