It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
